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I got a letter from the DWP today explaining exactly why, as a phone call I had a while ago told me, I am getting no money.*
They have a points system, and you have to accrue enough points in one or more categories. Nice, huh? Anyway, guess what? ...I failed! I got no points for anything. With an explanation of why (which just involves the words "You have no difficulty..." followed by whatever problem is described in that category) next to each 0.
So not only have I got no mental illness, I HAVE NO DIFFICULTY SEEING. Says so right there in black and white.
I know they do this to everyone. I know I can appeal. Though news of another uphill battle, after the exhausting, stressful time I've had lately, is pretty much the last thing I needed.
I did everything I always do; I wrote down the names of the things wrong with me, I explained that they're not entirely correctible with glasses. This is a script I have known as long as I remember knowing anything.
And yet it keeps going so badly. As I wrote here, the last time I had my eyes tested I was trying to figure out what needs to be done to get myself registered blind in the UK. The optician asked me “What makes you think you’re partially sighted?" and I knew I was doomed. As I said then
What makes you think you're partially sighted?
In that entry I link to, I talked about what made me think that: everything about my childhood. My parents, teachers, "vision impairment caseworkers," all drumming into my head that I needd all these different things I didn't want, didn't feel I needed, and every last fucking time being steamrolled, maybe because I was just a kid, maybe they just thought I was in denial.
I have never wanted to shout about my disability -- I've hesitated at many points in my life to even call it that -- and yet now I can shout until I hear it echoing off the rafters and still no one in a position of authority believes me.
* This doesn't answer the question of why I never have been, as you're meant to from the time you start the claim; I still need to figure out if my sodding bastarding NI contributions are now associated with the number I am now using, rather than the one to which they were issued to me, which apparently never existed. Yeah.
They have a points system, and you have to accrue enough points in one or more categories. Nice, huh? Anyway, guess what? ...I failed! I got no points for anything. With an explanation of why (which just involves the words "You have no difficulty..." followed by whatever problem is described in that category) next to each 0.
So not only have I got no mental illness, I HAVE NO DIFFICULTY SEEING. Says so right there in black and white.
I know they do this to everyone. I know I can appeal. Though news of another uphill battle, after the exhausting, stressful time I've had lately, is pretty much the last thing I needed.
I did everything I always do; I wrote down the names of the things wrong with me, I explained that they're not entirely correctible with glasses. This is a script I have known as long as I remember knowing anything.
And yet it keeps going so badly. As I wrote here, the last time I had my eyes tested I was trying to figure out what needs to be done to get myself registered blind in the UK. The optician asked me “What makes you think you’re partially sighted?" and I knew I was doomed. As I said then
She [the optician] said, “Your vision is a bit down but I’m not sure it’s enough...” She promised to check it out for me and said she’d give me a call if she could write a letter to my GP, the next step in the process of getting me registered blind. But she emphasized that if she couldn’t do anything more I wouldn’t hear from her.I knew I wouldn't, from the way everything about her body language and tone of voice was dismissive.
What makes you think you're partially sighted?
In that entry I link to, I talked about what made me think that: everything about my childhood. My parents, teachers, "vision impairment caseworkers," all drumming into my head that I needd all these different things I didn't want, didn't feel I needed, and every last fucking time being steamrolled, maybe because I was just a kid, maybe they just thought I was in denial.
I’m not sure what to think: is this what I should have expected? Despite having it pounded into my head that I am visually impaired, as I said I always noticed that I was less blind than the other blind kids. I don’t always feel disabled or think of myself as disabled; I can go hours and days without remembering that I can’t see as well as other people, which I know is a luxury that lots of disabled people don’t have.Which just illustrates exactly the kind of problems I'm having with the DWP now. I know I can appeal. I know they reject everyone for everything at first if they can possibly help it. But to do it so egregiously, to tell me I have no problem seeing when I spent my childhood being told I had immense problems seeing and then spending my five years in the UK trying to convince someone, anyone (other than my friends! hello, lovely friends) that I have any problem at all, and it seems like I just keep failing and failing at it.
Lots of what I’m tempted to call “real” disabled people. But I know this is a common thread too, the person who thinks they’re not as affected as those “proper” disabled people...
Or is it just a facet of how difficult it is for people to get the help and support they’re entitled to? I’ve witnessed that myself; just lately a friend of mine who’s no more disabled than she used to be has suddenly been granted a higher level of DLA and all kinds of bennies like free travel passes. Which she should’ve had a long time ago, and nothing’s changed now except before they said she couldn’t have it and now they’re saying she can.
I have never wanted to shout about my disability -- I've hesitated at many points in my life to even call it that -- and yet now I can shout until I hear it echoing off the rafters and still no one in a position of authority believes me.
* This doesn't answer the question of why I never have been, as you're meant to from the time you start the claim; I still need to figure out if my sodding bastarding NI contributions are now associated with the number I am now using, rather than the one to which they were issued to me, which apparently never existed. Yeah.