Mrs. Sexmusik

Yesterday afternoon The National Pep faced a fearsome challenge: we had to classify ourselves. From a drop-down menu! No "squelchy" (Andrew's usual adjective of choice for the band) anywhere! No chance of repeating what it says on our myspace:

"The best way to tell what we sound like, of course, is to listen. Failing that, imagine 1920s Britain and 1950s America colliding over a synth bass-line, with exuberant pop melodies and cryptic references backed by vibraphone and organ. If Syd Barret was in Queen, if Smiley Smile rather than Pepper had revolutionised music, if Ogden Nash had written lyrics for the Lovin' Spoonful..."

No.

Instead, just this list that Andrew read out. "Christian. Sex music."

That was as far as he got, because Tilt cracked up. "Christian Sexmusic!" Then to Andrew: "Oh, if you didn't already have a stage name..." Which made me even more disappointed in his choice of Olsen Bloom (though I do call him Ole anyway), because I'd love to be Mrs. Sexmusic.

We trudged on through the list, past Featuring Drums and Instrumental, ignoring the signs for Brooding, Dreamy, and Background Music, wondering what Sonic could be like, passing Party Music and Patriotic, quickly passing Featuring Bass, and eventually seeing Instrumental again. I might have feared we were just going around in a big circle, but then up ahead was something new. "Angry. Christmas. Fun."

Tilt was delighted. "Angry Christmas Fun!"

I hadn't even heard "fun," because I was already saying, "I wanna be Angry Christmas! If he gets to be Christian Sexmusik, I want to be Angry Christmas!" Tilt said he liked that, because Christmas is an actual name.

"Okay," Andrew said to me, "if you were Christmas, what would your first name be?" My mind was racing. "And don't say Mary." I made a face. I hadn't even thought of that. I was going for something more along the lines of Jellybean or Water Buffalo.

A bit later I saw that Tilt had picked up a book and commented to Andrew that I pity anyone who'd just pick up a book at randon in our house. But Tilt explained that he was wondering if any of the towns in Minnesota would sound good with Christmas (then I realized he must have the guide book to Minnesota that he actually gave me; apparently he'd once intended to visit, thinking it must be good if Mystery Science Theater 3000 came from there).

The very idea delighted me of course; I'm fascinated by place names and I love Minnesota. But I couldn't think of any better suggestion than Luverne (and I think I scared them off that one by saying my mom has an uncle named that). Tilt liked the look of Baudette, which is at least not as ugly as Luverne or Joyce, but I think the matter is still unresolved.

Suggestions appreciated. Even if they're not the names of towns in Minnesota, though that helps.