the cosmolinguist (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cosmolinguist) wrote2010-04-25 08:28 am
cosmolinguist) wrote2010-04-25 08:28 am
Entry tags:
Questions
What do you do when the bad days don’t stop?
What do you do when sleep is never your friend, and so never sleeping you never really feel awake either?
What do you do when all the big problems seem insolube, and all the little ones seem interchangeable so as soon as you start feeling grateful or happy that one has resolved itself, there’s another hot on its heels to replace it?
What do you do when you’re doing everything right? Taking your meds, eating vegetables, going outside in the sunshine, keeping busy as much as possible. There are moments where you feel grateful and happy and positive, but they’re too short-lived and the rest of the time they seem such a distant memory, like something you read about happening to someone else, not something you can remember feeling yourself.
And somewhere out there is nights of good sleep and days of good moods, without the dives into crushing sadness or the soaring anxiety that leaves me restless and jittery so much of the time. There’s a waiting list for counseling that I am led to believe I’m getting closer to the top of all the time. There’s a job that will be my next one; I have no idea what it is.
But for now I feel like I have no idea about anything in my life. Just lots of questions.
What do you do when sleep is never your friend, and so never sleeping you never really feel awake either?
What do you do when all the big problems seem insolube, and all the little ones seem interchangeable so as soon as you start feeling grateful or happy that one has resolved itself, there’s another hot on its heels to replace it?
What do you do when you’re doing everything right? Taking your meds, eating vegetables, going outside in the sunshine, keeping busy as much as possible. There are moments where you feel grateful and happy and positive, but they’re too short-lived and the rest of the time they seem such a distant memory, like something you read about happening to someone else, not something you can remember feeling yourself.
And somewhere out there is nights of good sleep and days of good moods, without the dives into crushing sadness or the soaring anxiety that leaves me restless and jittery so much of the time. There’s a waiting list for counseling that I am led to believe I’m getting closer to the top of all the time. There’s a job that will be my next one; I have no idea what it is.
But for now I feel like I have no idea about anything in my life. Just lots of questions.
no subject
i wish doing the right things was more effective i does and try to remind myself it is better than the results of dong the wrong things ...
Somedays i just go floomp and give myself a bit of time off from the keeping busy - it's one of those awfully tricky balance things (which i continually get wrong) ...
I'll often write more in my private paper journal or try to make pictures when i'm in that kind of state - sometimes it does help.
Doing craft-yness of one kind or another generally is at least temporary helpful and increases/extends the good moments.
And sometimes you just have to patch together the tiniest remaining scraps of optimism (or at lest non-pessimism) and keep on keeping on...
I really do hope you feel better soon