Suspect exposure to lots of disabled people has been very good for her.
This makes a lot of sense; I sometimes wonder how people react to temporary illness or injury in a way that's so bafflingly counter-productive or unkind...and then I remember they don't have the benefit of knowing all the disabled people I know, all the different ways to think about things and do things.
Even what feel to me like simple things, like "being in as much pain as you can possibly tolerate is draining all your energy," which I learned from crip friends, would make such a diffrence to my mom who thinks of herself as a person who recovers slowly but also is encouraged every time she's prescribed prescription pain meds (like, oh, after almost dying and having a tumorous kidney removed) not to take them and to feel like a failure if she does.
Some of the small-talk stuff was about the visit to B before my mom's knee snapped and it's really sad to hear her talk about her old friend like she is. B had bone marrow cancer, was in a coma after treatment, nearly died, and a few weeks out of hospital my mom is criticizing her for not doing things like cooking or walking around more than necessary, that my mom insists she can do. And I mean it's possible that her friend is a layabout, but my instinct these days is always to give people much more benefit of the doubt than my parents do when they tell me about what other ill/disabled people can or can't do.
I still think of my dad criticizing my grandma who doesn't like to go out for meals since she lost most of her sight, because she worries that she makes a mess eating, and he said (not to her, luckily, but to me which is bad enough I think) "you don't need to see your mouth to eat!" There's just no understanding there, no attempt to address the problems my grandma (or my mom's friend, or anyone) might actually be having. Especially if these problems include emotions, which my family and their whole culture are terrible at. But of course my grandma is going to feel self-conscious, of course my mom's friend B is going to be scared or wary of doing things after nearly dying, when she isn't getting a lot of support from her family (and of course none from the goernment becasue the U.S. is a nightmare country).
But I can't make my parents see this, so I just do lots of non-commital nods and making "mmm" noises that they will take as me agreeing with them when they talk like this.
no subject
This makes a lot of sense; I sometimes wonder how people react to temporary illness or injury in a way that's so bafflingly counter-productive or unkind...and then I remember they don't have the benefit of knowing all the disabled people I know, all the different ways to think about things and do things.
Even what feel to me like simple things, like "being in as much pain as you can possibly tolerate is draining all your energy," which I learned from crip friends, would make such a diffrence to my mom who thinks of herself as a person who recovers slowly but also is encouraged every time she's prescribed prescription pain meds (like, oh, after almost dying and having a tumorous kidney removed) not to take them and to feel like a failure if she does.
Some of the small-talk stuff was about the visit to B before my mom's knee snapped and it's really sad to hear her talk about her old friend like she is. B had bone marrow cancer, was in a coma after treatment, nearly died, and a few weeks out of hospital my mom is criticizing her for not doing things like cooking or walking around more than necessary, that my mom insists she can do. And I mean it's possible that her friend is a layabout, but my instinct these days is always to give people much more benefit of the doubt than my parents do when they tell me about what other ill/disabled people can or can't do.
I still think of my dad criticizing my grandma who doesn't like to go out for meals since she lost most of her sight, because she worries that she makes a mess eating, and he said (not to her, luckily, but to me which is bad enough I think) "you don't need to see your mouth to eat!" There's just no understanding there, no attempt to address the problems my grandma (or my mom's friend, or anyone) might actually be having. Especially if these problems include emotions, which my family and their whole culture are terrible at. But of course my grandma is going to feel self-conscious, of course my mom's friend B is going to be scared or wary of doing things after nearly dying, when she isn't getting a lot of support from her family (and of course none from the goernment becasue the U.S. is a nightmare country).
But I can't make my parents see this, so I just do lots of non-commital nods and making "mmm" noises that they will take as me agreeing with them when they talk like this.